HM (Hot Mess) is my 5 year old daughter. We pay an exorbitant amount of money for her to be in a small class in a private school with teachers who are so supernaturally patient, progressive, structured, kind and smart. These teachers "get" my kid with ADHD, impulsivity, sensory seeking behaviors blah blah blah. HM is a kid whose voice is so loud (sensory blah blah) that her speech and language evaluation read "the degree of her loudness could be physically abusive to her vocal cords". For real. That's what it said. I know it's emotionally abusive to her parents but I had no idea about her poor vocal cords. I kind of feel bad for them. Battered vocal cord syndrome?
HM is a kid who doesn't like princesses or dress-up or playing house. I used to think she was transgender but now am fairly sure she's just a lesbian. Her class went to the library and she chose a book called "Backboard Admiral" which is a book published in the 1970s about David Robinson who must be a famous African American basketball player. She's 5. And white. And has played basketball once.
HM is a kid who is so impulsive that she can not wait one fraction of a millisecond to tell you what she's thinking. Even if it's in the middle of your phone call, her soccer game, your 3 minutes on the toilet. She was playing soccer (extremely loose definition of "playing") with her soccer league and in the middle of the game while kicking the ball, she stopped, turned and yelled across the field "Mommy- what do you think the snack is today?" Her coach- who is a godly saint- calls her name many times throughout the game to remind her that they're still playing, to focus, to stop dancing in the middle of the field. HM loves everything about that soccer team.
HM is a nightmare to shop for. She has a closet full of gorgeous clothing and wears the costco dress that was made for a Mexican christening every single weekend. She'll only wear leggings if she can wear one leg rolled up. She will only wear crocs or sneakers. If you even try to get her to wear any kind of decent looking shoe, she will have a full-on, batshit-crazy meltdown. When she insists on wearing her androgynous get-ups, we just call her Chaz Bono.
HM is always in your face. Either verbally (while beating the shit out of her vocal cords) or physically. She doesn't have personal space. It just doesn't exist for her. She doesn't find it problematic to crawl into your lap and talk directly into your mouth. She will put her face right up in yours- just to tell you she's hungry, or she saw a funny thing on TV. This is her way. She needs to dance, hug, move, touch, yell, hum all the time. She loves when you give her "the chills". That stimulation relaxes her. Like a cat, she purrs and gets quiet. It's her tranquilizer.
HM will no doubt follow the footsteps of her brother and wear a patch proudly. It will make it easier for her to have friends, be successful in the environment we chose to put her in, allow others to talk and learn and most importantly make her feel like she can control herself and slow down a bit.
Until then, yell like crazy HM.....We're listening.
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