After working in pharma this past year, I've made the decision to go back to the hospital. The place that raised me and taught me libraries full of lessons on how to be a nurse practitioner. Practical, clinical things like spinal taps, bone marrows, choosing antibiotics, figuring out a 2 page algorithm for chemotherapy. And not so practical, yet critical lessons too. Like how to get a kid to Disney World even though they're on an epidural pain pump. Quite possibly, the most important thing the hospital and the people in it have taught me is how incredibly lucky I am to have a job that is meaningful. Even if there were days that I didn't love it or even like it (ok, there were days where I hated everyone in the building) I always knew that what I did every day had meaning.
My year in pharma has also been a great learning experience. I learned things about medicine and industry I never would have been privy to in a clinical setting. I learned a small part of the business world. I learned that I can be super social if I'm being paid to do that. I learned that new drug development is critical to patients (I know, duh- but when youre treating patients every day, that little fact can get lost in the mix). I learned that if you want to motivate people to excel, you need to throw cash at them. I learned that even though the cash is amazing- I can't stay in this field. Not because of any heroic, selfless desire to cure children with cancer but rather for a selfish reason. I need to have meaning. I need to love what I do. I need to connect with people on a level that goes beyond superficial niceties. Because small talk with strangers may actually be worse than a sharknado. I am incredibly grateful to pharma for this past year. I think I needed a break from the grind of the hospital too. I also got to see how the other half lives. The half with high paying jobs that aside from travel, doesn't require much hard labor. I got to feel like a part of corporate America. I got to learn that I don't want to be part of that. I got to meet fantastic people in the industry. Good, kind, smart people.
So, come January 6th- I will be going home again. This time I will be a Nurse Practitioner with the Leukemia/Lymphoma team. Previously I've done solid tumors and brain tumors which carry a far worse prognosis that leukemia so hopefully I will be on the winning side much much more often than not. The people on my team are old, solid friends. We get each other. There's no small talk. The kids we treat are gunning for a cure and we have an excellent shot at it. I know there will be days where I will miss working half as hard and making twice as much. Especially when I need to get my hair dyed and my kids to a well check-up. Or when they have a school function I'll have to miss. Or when I need to run to the store at 1pm for milk. But.....at least I'll be home.
