Religion

This should be nice and light....

I was raised as an Orthodox Jewess. I went to Orthodox synagogue, Orthodox school, Orthodox camp, Orthodox college. I became friends with a gentile for the first time in graduate school. It's been downhill since. ;)
The truth is that sometime in college, I decided that the sense of belonging that my religion afforded me was running out. While I loved and love my core people and have nothing but mad respect for them and their faith, I started to feel rebellion creep up. I felt like I needed to be the contrarian. To point out the injustices of our (crazy) faith. To show them that I won't follow the fold. Once I got that delayed adolescent rebellion out of my system (or at least 50% of it), I just lost interest. It stopped resonating. What used to give me the chills (my barometer for spiritual awakening) just left me hollow.
Well, at least some of the time. I still have a primal, instinctive response to certain very jewish things. When I hear certain songs and prayers, i am home. When I see a jewish patient, I care even more deeply for them. Show me a picture of an Israeli soldier and watch me fold. No matter how hard I try, I can not leave this orthodox community. There is no other place for me. Its a dissonance that is hard to describe. As much as I find wrong with it, I can't find anything else that is as egosyntonic (i KNEW i would get to use that word again!) for me.
Orthodoxy=my mother.

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