The one down side of being happily married is that there goes the single best diet plan ever. The breakup diet. It's hands-down the fastest, least healthy weight to drop some serious poundage.
Having experienced my fair share of getting dumped on my ass, I can say this with certainty: It makes you thin.
0 caloric intake X 3 weeks= 10 lb weight loss
That's break-up math.
Thousands of calories per day + 3 gestational periods x 12 happy years= 30 lb weight gain
That's marriage math.
So, I'm certain I won't be doing the break-up diet ever again. I need to find a new "marriage diet".
One that's doable. Easy. One that doesn't make me more irritable than my baseline irritability.
One that doesn't include advice to eat baby carrots as a snack. Or those tiny cheese circle things. Those are excellent snack options for a small squirrel. If I was the type of person who could eat baby carrots as a snack and be satisfied, would I be dieting in the first place?
I need a food plan for a girl who dreams about breakfast.
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