Enjoy your children

A wise friend of mine was telling me that she recently took her teenage daughter to a drama group and she noticed that the parental units there really enjoyed their children. Peacefully, truly enjoyed being with their children. Wise friend lamented how she feels that in our community, where there is no shortage of children- the parents don't seem to enjoy their children as much and often seem like they're on edge, 5 seconds away from a meltdown. What immediately came to my mind were all sorts of arguments defending the kind of parent who seems to live 5 seconds from a meltdown.

My internal defensive rant went something like this:
"When should I enjoy my children? From the hours of 6-8pm when we're all home together and my house is reminiscent of an 80s rave- glo lights and all?? After 8, when the series of negotiations revolving around bedtime and basic hygiene are U.S attorney worthy? (Enjoy your oreos in bed, hope they go down smoothly with the powerade chaser). After 10, when all are mostly asleep and my mind is just a mess of static electricity? At 3-4am, when baby is up squealing in delight? At 6:45am when I'm waking them up for school and notice the iPad buried under sons blanket so am fairly confident he fell asleep just a few hours before? At 7:15am when I'm trying to find daughters shoes, put some lip gloss on, remind children to brush the oreos off their teeth, make sure I'm wearing matching shoes (to eachother, not the outfit), brushing out matted knots from daughters jewfro and trying to take a piss undisturbed? I enjoy my children at 7:55am - when I drop them off at school. When the doors of my mini-van close in that carpool line and all is silent in my car- that is enjoyment."
And then it hit me. I am doing something very wrong.
I know for certain that when I'm old and decrepit and look back at my life I will want more moments with my children. When they were exactly these ages. With exactly these quirks. I will regret spending so much time being irritable and impatient. I will probably regret letting them eat so many Oreos too. I will probably want nothing more than to be in a house that is so full of ENERGY and LIFE.
So, how do I go about changing this paradigm? Do I work less hours? Do I spend more time with my  children? Do I meditate before they wake up to get to a place of zen? Do I take more drugs?
The answer can't be to think how short life is and see people who have lost children and then really appreciate our own. Though that may work for a few days, it's not sustainable. I will fall back to old habits of living a chaotic life with a short fuse.
I don't have the answer....but I know that the question of how to really enjoy your children is too important to leave unanswered.
Oh, and wise friend- I would be lucky to have half your zen and child-love.