Chewbaca Can't Fly

I realize my last post was a bit intense.
I never understood how the romantic comedy or fantasy movie genre appeal to people. Same with book choices. I always gravitate to the gritty, intense, REAL genre. In college, my then-boyfriend was into Star Wars and I was like Jane Goodall trying to figure him out. Like, why would anyone want to spend 2 hours watching Chewbaca fly a rocket?
Same thing with watching Jennifer Lopez as a wedding planner who falls in love with the groom and then all the stars align and they end up together. I mean, puh-leez. That's as likely to happen as Chewbaca flying that rocketship. (Star Wars geeks: I know its not called a rocket but it doesn't matter what it's called because its fake). I've had to read the first 5 Harry Potter books with my kids and I should win an Oscar for my performance as an interested reader.
It just doesn't speak to me.
Same way, general pediatrics never spoke to me. It wasn't gritty enough.
To quote Gotye: "You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness".
It's pathological and twisted but true.
I've thought about this for awhile and think that it boils down to this: the same reason people cut themselves to feel, to really feel, is the same motive that makes me read the insanely depressing shit I read. Or be immersed in the tragic. Or watch movies that have horrible endings. This is what resonates with me.
But here's the other thing- if you are that person whose mind can be a dark and twisted place- and you choose to immerse yourself in the tragic every day for month after month and year after year.....you are in great danger of having those dark and twisted parts become who you are.
I'll never be sunshine and rainbows. Ever. If you see me and I appear that way- you should know that it's pharmacologically induced or I've finally cracked. But I think that maybe a healthier way to live is to be able to be present in the moment and feel whatever it is that's happening. Whether it be joy or boredom or sadness or anxiety or anger. Let it be. Even if what you feel is great irritability (check). I was trying to read Eckhart Tolle and couldn't get past page 10 because when he wrote "Just be in your being-ness" I burst out laughing. WTF does that even mean?? I cynically came up with a list of reasons why he sucks and went on a tirade about new age bullshit is so annoying as are the people who read this crap and so on and so on.
Now I'm realizing that even if he is full of crap, he's certainly in a better place than I am. Even though I still think "just be in your being-ness" is hilarious, I also think it may be worth a try.
If anyone knows how to do that, please share. Except if it entails a lot of meditating and yoga- I may need to take some drugs first.
I know, I have a long way to go Eckhart Tolle.